Online therapy across Ontario
Birth Trauma Therapy and EMDR
Do you still feel shaken by your birth, even though everyone says it turned out fine? Therapy can help the memory settle, so you can feel safe and enjoy life with your baby again.
Book a Free Consultation (opens in a new tab)
Signs of birth trauma
Does that day keep replaying in your mind?
A birth can be traumatic even when your baby is healthy and everyone tells you it all turned out fine. What matters is how the birth felt to you. Maybe there was an emergency, or maybe you felt frightened, powerless or unheard while it was happening.
Partners can be traumatized too, after watching a frightening birth and fearing for the person they love or for the baby. For many parents the effects don’t fade with time, and they can show up weeks, months or even years later.
If it felt traumatic to you, it counts.
EMDR therapy
You can heal without retelling every detail
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is one of the most researched treatments for trauma, and the World Health Organization recommends it for PTSD. It helps your brain finish processing a memory that got stuck, so thinking about your birth no longer feels like being back there.
You only need to share the headline of what happened. We start by building calming and grounding skills, and we work on the memory only when you feel ready. Sessions can feel intense at times, so we always end somewhere calm before you go back to your day.
We offer EMDR by secure video, so you can do this work from home, somewhere you already feel safe.
Why it happens
Your nervous system is still on guard
About 4 in 100 mothers develop PTSD after giving birth, and close to 1 in 5 after a high-risk pregnancy or birth.[1] (source, opens in a new tab) Many more live with flashbacks, anxiety or grief without meeting every criterion for PTSD. When a birth overwhelms you, your brain can store the memory with all the fear you felt at the time.
You felt unsafe or unheard
Feeling frightened, rushed or dismissed during labour can leave as deep a mark as a medical emergency.
Something went wrong, or nearly did
An emergency, a long labour, a NICU stay or fearing for your baby’s life can overwhelm anyone.
Earlier experiences add up
Past trauma, an earlier loss or a fear of giving birth can make a hard birth harder to recover from.
How therapy helps
Stop reliving the birth and feel safe again
Therapy helps your body and mind understand that the birth is over and you made it through. We start with whatever feels most manageable and go at a pace that feels safe to you.
Calm your body
Learn simple ways to slow your breathing and heart rate when a reminder catches you off guard.
Fewer flashbacks
Have fewer flashbacks and nightmares, and think about the birth without being pulled back in.
Let go of blame
Ease the guilt and the feeling that you failed, and see what happened with more kindness.
Feel close again
Feel more present with your baby and your partner, instead of numb, on edge or far away.
Face what’s next
Feel steadier about medical appointments, a future pregnancy or the thought of another birth.
Our approach
Specialized care for pregnancy and the early months
Sessions are warm and unhurried, and you set the pace. Along with EMDR, we draw on trauma-focused CBT and grounding skills from DBT. The goal is for your birth to become a memory you can think about, rather than one that takes over.
Perinatal Mental Health Certified (PMH-C)
Postpartum Support International
EMDRIA Certified Therapist
EMDR International Association
Specialized in the perinatal years
I hold the Perinatal Mental Health Certification (PMH-C) from Postpartum Support International. Pregnancy, birth and the early months are the centre of our practice.
Certified in EMDR
I’m an EMDRIA Certified Therapist, a credential that takes extra consultation and practice beyond the basic EMDR training.
Built around life with a baby
Sessions are by secure video, so you can join from home without arranging childcare. Saturday appointments are available too.
Nicole Graff-Rowe
MSW, RSW · PMH-C · EMDRIA Certified Therapist
- Online sessions, anywhere in Ontario
- Based in Waterloo Region
- No referral needed
About your therapist
A certified perinatal therapist who’s also a mom
I remember the sleep regressions, the feeding worries and not quite recognizing myself after my baby arrived. I started Nurtured Family Counselling so parents have somewhere to say the hard things out loud without being judged.
It’s okay to feel like you’ve lost yourself after having a baby. I want to understand your history, your struggles and your story, and help you move forward in a way that’s rooted in your own values and goals.
I’ve trained specifically in therapy for birth trauma, and I work with partners as well as birthing parents. You won’t have to explain why a birth that “turned out fine” still feels so hard.
FAQ
Questions parents ask before booking
It’s normal to have questions before reaching out. If yours isn’t here, you can send us a message.
Can a birth be traumatic if my baby is healthy?
Yes. Birth trauma depends on how the birth felt to you, including feeling frightened, powerless or unheard. A healthy baby and a hard experience can both be true.
Can partners have birth trauma?
Yes. Watching a frightening birth and fearing for your partner or baby can be traumatic. We work with partners too, and you can read more about support for dads and partners.
Do I have to talk about the birth in detail?
No. With EMDR, you only need to share the headline. We build calming skills first, and you decide when you’re ready to work on the memory.
How many sessions will I need?
It varies from person to person. The first sessions focus on coping skills and getting to know you, and that can take one or two sessions or longer. After that, we check in regularly on how the work is going.
What if my birth was years ago?
Therapy can help whether your birth was weeks ago or many years ago. Memories often come back when a new pregnancy or plans for another baby are on the horizon.
I’m pregnant again and scared. Can therapy help?
Yes. Fear of giving birth again is common after a hard birth. Therapy can help you work through the first birth and feel steadier as you plan for the next one.
Is therapy covered by insurance?
Many workplace health plans cover therapy with a Registered Social Worker, and you don’t need a referral to book. Fees, receipts and how to check your coverage are on the Fees and insurance page.
Get started
Birth trauma is treatable.
Your birth will always be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to keep running your days. We can talk about what happened, in as much or as little detail as you like, and what might help.
Book a Free Consultation (opens in a new tab)